TSO: A Pyromaniac's Paradise

As you may remember, I told you I was going to see Trans Siberian Orchestra. And I did. And what a day! It starts off by me going to a Christmas party the night before and over exhausting myself. Typical Clara. I woke up in a bit of a panic wondering if I would make to the meeting place, the Morrison house, on time... or before I started to get, "Claraaaa... where the heck are you?!?!", texts. (side note: punctuality? Not my thing.) Well, I didn't. I was running late, of course and got a, "Did you know we're meeting at my house?", text, which, yes, I did. But I made it --only like 5 or 10 minutes late. Win for me!! Got on the road. The crew consisted of Scott, Allie, Virginia (baby sister), Abby (Scott's baby sister), Daniel and Charles (Daniel's baby brother). Almost the whole way up to the 'ham we listened to Jessica Simpson's new Christmas album, you know, to put us in the right spirit. I think Scott got close to running the car off the road.

our car, minus abby. thanks clara's huge head

the girls after the show

 Fortunately, we lived! We got to the BJCC and I made it to the entrance (remember how I'm exhausted?). Poor Scott had to wait on a new character in the story, Mitchell. Good glory, that boy. By 3, when the show was scheduled to start, Mitchell had yet to arrive. Bless it. Anyway, my part of the story: So I get in, find my seat, and I am aaaaall alone. That's right kids, Clara purchased her ticket separate from everyone else. I got lucky enough to sit next to old ladies who, if they had been given the opportunity, would have thrown their bras on stage, TSO followers. Now for you people reading this at home and don't know what the TSO followers are like, they are the dungeons and dragon people. They will forever live in the 80s and have no problem spilling beer on your coat, maybe that was an isolated incident... regardless, they're very entertaining people.

So there I am, alone, waiting for this thing to happen. The lights go off... the stage is lit up in flames, yes, flames, and I'm mildly terrified. OH and I forgot, The seating is like obnoxiously vertical. If I had leaned forward too much, I would have fallen to my death. Maybe not, but throw in my fear of heights and vertigo issues and you have a small panic attack. Back to the show. There were lights and flames and long hair being flipped and people running the WHOLE TIME. It was physically exhausting to watch. And when I say light show and flames... well, if I was an illegal drug kind of person, I'm guessing acid would have made the experience all the more amazing. The show was narrated by this huge black man who sounded just like Barry White. Win #1. People started coming out of the ceiling on these crazy contraptions rocking out on their fiddles and guitars. Win #2. Holy crap, they had a flame thrower. (Clara freak out = 9 billion times more than is necessary) Taking back win #2. They also had these giant mechanical stages that went out over the audience. That was actually pretty cool. Win #2 reinstated. Okay, so the hair. The whole band must be on speed or something because they have an absurd amount of energy and they flip their long, flowing locks around that I'm surprised they don't all have whiplash. It hurt me just watching them. Every single one of them had hair longer than me. It was hard for me not to have hair envy. Win #3, only because their hair was so shiny and beautiful. Anyway, the first part of the show, the narrated part, almost/did put me to sleep. All that music was like a lullaby to my already sleep deprived head.

see! perfect ambiance for falling asleep

So I made it through the first part, which I thought was the only part until they kept teasing me with all this, "Like the show? How about a few more songs?" ... "How was that? Here are some Band members... More SONGS!!" ... "more songs?" ... "Hope you enjoyed it... here are some more songs for the road!" ... "Can we sneak in some more?" By the time that was all said and done, I had almost gotten up to leave 4 times. About 3 hours later, they finally released us.

fire...

lasers...

and hair flippage... OH MY!

Now this is where the real fun begins. Mitchell, who was mentioned earlier, is the most scatter-brained child E.V.E.R. Bless him. Child lives in Birmingham, yet has NO idea where he is and how he's going to get us to his house. Over hearing Scott's conversations with him brought almost all of us to tears. We pulled over on the side of the road TWICE and once he pulled up next to us to tell us a story... ON AN ON RAMP!! I don't know how we didn't die. After a ridiculous amount of phone calls, fits of laughter, and angry yells of starvation, we FINALLY got to his house; I was so hungry that Taco Bell looked like fine dining to me. We hit the mother load. His mom was a prettier and more talented version, and less of a crook, of Martha Stewart. Now it could have been because my stomach was eating itself, but that dinner... WHEW! I felt like a queen. She made these delicious chicken fingers breaded in pretzels, almonds, and herbs with her home made ranch sauce and home made cheese fries, which was followed by a chocolate and caramel trifle. Hi cardiac arrest, I'm Clara. Watched the Heisman and left 10 pounds heavier. Ended the evening by watching The Office with the Morrison famjam, found my way home through the rain and threw myself into bed. Wonderful day.