Date of the Century:
a few years ago, i think about 4-5 -- ugh... i'm old--, i was asked to accompany a guy to a baseball game. i heard that this one girl who was like the lowest of the lows, in my mind, said no and my heart went out to the poor guy, so i gave him a "oh yeah! that'd be so fun!!". i now know why she said no...
i had a boyfriend at this time and even he was like, "really? i mean, sure, but really? him?". i was so ashamed that all these people were so hateful. i got all proud and felt like i was doing my good deed, little did i know it would be my good deed of the year. he wanted to come pick me up at the casa, but i was determined to let him know this was definitely a friendship thing, not a "hey bebe... how you doin?" thing. i get to the meeting place, he's a little late, no biggie, i'm late for everything, get in the car and the awkwardness began almost as soon as i got in the bucket seat. small talk, small talk, small talk... and i start feeling a little rough. it's real hot outside, like muggy hot, and we didn't have great seats. we were at a work thing for him and we were eating dinner on the backside of the field-- dumb idea, stadium planner-- which was bbq... something i don't normally care for, especially in the hot, nasty sun, boiling in the grossness of its fat juices. anyway, back to the story, so i start getting all these stares and whispers by older women, pointing and going "ooooh!!", oh no. here it comes... him: "so how do i need to introduce you?" me: "i'm your friend. friend. friend. friend only." him: "oh, okay." sorry champ.
the night goes on. boring conversations, meaningless dribble... and then i think, "hey i have some great stories from my summer. i'll share those!". so i start sharing my favorite story about this little boy who had turrets syndrome and would run around the camp screaming every so often that it would scare the mess out of everyone. so as i'm telling this i'm laughing hysterically, because come one, it's a funny story, and an awkward silence falls over us. ... "i have turrets." OH FOR THE LOVE!!!!! (what do i say, what do i say, what do i sayyyyy?!?!) "so what's it like living with that?" he then goes into gross detail, that to this day sounds made up, and i'm mortified. there were fireworks, but i felt so horrible (physically) that we left. i get home and i had a fever of 103. goes down in history as the worst date ever.
Limited Understanding:
one day i walking to the company parking lot to run an errand and there is a mexican* couple going in the exit of a private parking lot. (* i don't normally distinguish people because of their ethnicity... in the written word... but this time it serves a purpose). i see the window roll down and i hear them call out me,
-"escuse me... can you help?"
-awww, bless, "sure! what are you looking for?"
-"where is the electric?"
-"like the electric company?"
-"yes, electric."
-"well, hmm, i'm not sure, but you're at the water works building and i'm sure they can tell you where it is."
-"no, electric. where it is?"
-"i don't know. but the water company does, and since you're blocking their exit, it won't be too far out of you way to ask them, (i didn't really say that, but i thought it). it's just right around the corner (i did say that)."
-"electric?"
-"nope."
-(insert rolling eyes and a sigh of annoyance... ON HER SIDE OF THIS CONVERSATION!!)
-(in my head) dear woman, it took everything in me to decipher what you were saying so i could offer you help, and you roll your eyes at me?! your child isn't even properly buckled!! 2 strikes against you, chick.
and i walked away and inhaled horrible fumes from the exhaust of their car. lose-lose.
Hallways:
i work in a lovely, old building. those of you that know my obsession with architecture can now understand why i love pointing out, "that's my building" when we go to the alley. exposed brick, wood beams, warehouse ceilings... anyway, i digress. in this lovely building there are INSANELY long hallways, mainly just one that everyone gets trapped on in a, "how long do i look at them?" battle. it can be super awkward. i feel like when i'm walking down that hall like i'm 4 or 5 years old again in the back of the station wagon that we used to have and when you'd get trapped back there in bumper to bumper traffic, you'd be stuck trying not to make eye contact with the people staring you down and have to be stuck staring at the the back of billboards like they were interesting to you; "oh did you see how that was built? nice frame... why yes, that is a nice frame. ... hope they made good money off that one..." oh clara... always fall for those pointless rabbit trails. so here are a few scenarios which i have either done or seen done.
here's the sitch, someone walks out of their office and
- smile
- hey... unless they're at the total opposite end, then it's a smile and...
- whip out the phone
- hey, lookie there! that's a wall.
- (inside head) please go into an office
- stare at the floor... did the cleaners vacuum?!?! .... nope.
- stare blankly off
- play with hair
- please, please, please go into an office
- look at what's in my/their hands... that's what i thought, i'm holding paper.
- oh crap, i have nothing to do with my hands...
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